Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.

These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.

Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.

Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,

Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.

I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.